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This is probably the most difficult part of the wedding. In one-hand everybody want to have the best wedding that will be remembered for years to come; but on the other hand you want to keep everything within reasons.

So what is the right mix? It depends on how the expenses are going to be split. Today, both the bride and the groom usually chip in for the wedding; thus there is more money available. If you are one of those lucky ones that parents help pay for the wedding then do count your blessing. A word of caution though, if your parents help pay for the wedding then keep in mind that they have some say of how things will be done. If you ask me, equivalent of six months total salary would be a good number to start.

A typical breakdown of wedding expenses will look like this:

The three big items are:
1. Wedding Planner, Venue Deco & Tents Rental;
2. Food Catering; and
3. Hantaran.

Wedding Planner, Venue Deco & Rentals
Everybody wants a perfect wedding. Unfortunately or fortunately, majority of us married once and when its time for us to actually organize the wedding again it will be our kid’s wedding and the trends, fashions that we have in mind are no longer be current. That’s why it is worth your while to utilize the services of wedding planner. These are the people that organize wedding on monthly basis if not weekly. They know what is the hot thing now and where to get and who to get it from. But then – they do cost money - expensive? Not really, a good wedding planner can get you good discounts compared to what it will cost you buying at retail price. But most important the hassle and the time spend looking for things that you need. Let them do the run around for you and you just relax and look & be pretty; you don’t need the panda spot under your eyes for lost sleep, or extra wrinkles and white hair for headaches and stress. A lot of time, wedding planners business is related to one or more businesses such as decoration, wardrobe hantaran designs or florist. By acquiring wedding planner service you will almost certain gets a discount of those items. All in all, I will be surprise if you end up paying that much more in total.

Venue decoration is perhaps the most memorable thing that people will remember months after the wedding. Let it be in the hall, by the pool or even at your home. Properly decorating the venue with themes or concepts that you chose will leave a long lasting memory to your guest. The best source of deco would be the wedding planner or if you choose not to have one you can copy some from different magazines.

If you have your events in the hall or a hotel you can save some expenses on renting tents (Kemah). It is standard practice that the venue price is included in their food and catering. We will look at tents and rental option in future articles. You should plan to spend somewhere around quarter of total expenses on this.


Food Catering
This is one of the top three expenses for your wedding. There are various choices for you to make. You can go with Traditional, Western or even Fusion. When you start collecting the price quotes you will see that the catering cost at the hall will cost much higher than those that are served at your home. This is because the hall also includes the rental fees. You must remember that if the reception (kenduri) is done inside the hall you will save money on rentals of tents, tables, chairs, table clothes and chair covers. The total should come up pretty close if you add both costs. Some couples, would like to have something different for their wedding, especially if your wedding is during peak season; just something different for the guests to remember.

Hantaran
The detail of hantaran will be covered in other articles. There is no fix amount for you to shoot for but don’t over do it. Some wants to have eleven or even more trays or you could combine some of the items in to one tray. For example, the ring, mas-kahwin and wang hantaran can be put into a single tray; handbag and shoes can be put together as well or telekung, sejadah and kitab in a single tray. You would be giving the same number of items in less number of trays. This will cut cost of preparing the tray and rental of the dulang. It can cost about RM 200 per tray to design and create. Personal opinion is you are better of using the money saved on trays to spend more on the items that you are giving.

Wardrobes, Makeup Artist & Hairstyling
The estimate above (7%) is assuming that you either rent or just have one set of wardrobe if you do plan to change a few sets of wardrobe you may want to rent them rather than tailor order them, more details on wardrobe in upcoming articles. The rest of the budget is pretty straightforward!

Attached to this article is the Excel file for budgeting your wedding. There are four (4) sheets in it.


There are some figures entered in sheet one already. These are sample figures so that it will make sense when you first open it. Go ahead and enter your numbers in (1) Input Data Sheet and the rest of the files will be automatically updated.

To download the file please click the file below.

http://b4usayido.com/ARTICLES/A4-Budget.xls


If you accidently deleted the cell, columns or row – don’t worry about it just download a new one.

We appreciate if you can email us at webmaster@b4usayido.com when you download this file and also any feedback or error on the file.

Related topic that might interest you is Time-line section. Please go here to read the article.
Planning Your Big Day - Timeline

Planning Your Wedding: Time Line

Planning a wedding is a very elaborate process especially if you are the hands-on type. If you are one of the lucky ones that have a great help and support from family members and friends that you can start breathing easier. If not you may want to hire a wedding planner to organize the event; this will really depends on your budget. However, In this article we are going to focus on the time line for this event. We will look at budgeting in the near future.

Here we are going to group the time line as follows:
- 6~12 months prior to wedding day
- 5~6 months prior to wedding day
- 3~4 months prior to wedding day
- 2 months prior to wedding day
- 1 month prior to wedding day
- 1 week prior to wedding day
- 1 day prior to wedding day

These are guide to and not necessarily the exact time-line; you will have to adapt your own time line to match your needs.

1. Six ~ 12 months prior to wedding
• Finalize your wedding date – make sure you pin down the dates and don’t forget to check with both side family members to make sure that no other weddings on the same date. For example, in my own wedding I had to move the dates because one of the cousins getting married on the date that I want. And yes, everybody wants the school holiday.
• Decide on the budget – believe me this figure will balloon up as you get closer to the date so you will most likely miss this number by 10~20%. We will look at the budget portion in more detail in the near future.
• Starts compiling the guest list from both sides. Include their mailing address, mobile number and rank them (i.e. must invite, would like to invite, questionable …etc.) If you are having a sitting meal at reception halls or hotels this list will have to be pruned; this ranking will help.
• Begin location and food search – it may seems to early but if you wants the good dates such as 08/08/08 or Valentines Day be sure that you start well ahead. Most Malay couples usually have the wedding at their home so make sure that it is not in the rainy season.
• Decide on your theme and style – Will it be modern or traditional? Will it be formal or informal? Sitting dinner or buffet?
• Decide on the key people who will be the Maid-of-Honor and the Best Man. Outside of you parents these two people will probably be as busy as you are. Ask them, if you have too beg them, book them as early as possible. Plus a long the way they can help you coordinate things that need to be done.
• Start looking for wardrobe designs, buy wedding magazines cut and paste in a scrap book believe me you will have difficulty to keep track of which magazine and which page your favorite dress is when you are talking to a tailor. From my personal experience, I think you should try and get some magazine from Indonesia; they have some wonderful designs.
• Start looking at photographers and videographers look at their samples and demos. If your relatives or friends said they can take pictures and not to worry about it, ask yourself how many times you are getting married and what happen if the pictures didn’t turn out well. Unless you know and very certain that this or these persons can really take good pictures get a professional one!

2. Five ~ six months prior to wedding
Time is getting closer but you can still make changes.
• Select invitation card – or at least show listed the designs and the vendors.
• Reconfirm the invitation list addresses and phone number – chances are you do not have Mak-Long and Mak-Gah full name left alone their full addresses. Get it from your parents ask them to call and find out. Update your list.
• If you are planning to get a wedding planner this is the time to start engaging him or her. This person will open all windows for you: which florist, make up artist, hairdresser, clothing, event theme, and the list goes on.
• Book the reception place and select the food to be served – if you are having the reception at the hall this is a one stop shopping. Don’t forget the caterer and tents for your house function.
• Select wardrobe for the Bride, Groom, Maid-of-Honor and the Best Man make sure that this blends in with your color scheme.
• For the groom - Start searching for that Blink-Blink (the ring) once you find one put an order for it.
• Start thinking of your honeymoon destination. I put it here this early because this is the most relaxing task you will have and to keep you from being insane.
• DON’T forget to start looking at the legal requirement documentation. Start compiling your documents to submit. Especially if you resident address is not the same as the state where you are getting married. Plan to go back and get this done. For more info on what is required read this
For more info on state by state Jabatan Agama Islam click here

3. Three ~ four months prior to wedding day
• Order invitation card, thank you card and RSVP card if you require one. Double check you spelling!! It would be a nice gesture to include some personal notes before sending them out. Make sure they match with your color scheme, include dress code, color theme and outline the event.
• Make a committee that would help you organize the event try to pinpoint one person to coordinate different things. Ask you family members and friends; try to get people that varies in expertise (i.e. someone that good with computer, music, organizing,…etc.)
• Book Photographer/videographer.
• Start selecting of person that will do your hantaran, it could be a family member if you are using wedding planner he or she should be able to introduce you to one.
• Select a florist that will be doing the hall, your hand bouquet, and corsage.
• Try out some demo from makeup artist and hairdresser. Tell them the type of reception that you want is it in the afternoon or at night.
• Start looking for your door gift or souvenirs. Look at the number of guest you are inviting, for the akad nikah at home and the reception. You may want to get a different one for each event.
• Begin your facial and beauty treatments – you may need to do it a few times.
• Don’t forget to complete your Kursus Pra Kahwin at approved place. They are really good and you can learn a lot of thing during these sessions. Note that if you are already married before or over 40 yers old you may not have to take this course. Check with your local Jabatan Agama.
• Book your honeymoon tickets and prepare your passport. Make sure that your passport has at least six more months before expiring.

Suggested wedding committee

To view a larger picture click here (55K)

4. Two months prior to your wedding
• Send your invitation card – especially to out of town families and friends. If you are sending a RSVP postcard include stamps set a deadlines when they need to response.
• Fittings for your wardrobe – The Bride, Groom, Maid-of Honor and the Best Man.
• Starts purchasing for your Hantaran, think about what your counterparts really like or need.
• Select the type and colors of flowers for your reception. The wedding planner can be very helpful here. They will know exactly how much flowers you will need.
• Select makeup artist and hairdresser and book them for your big day.
• Decide on wording for your thank you card. IF you are giving a speech at the reception start working on it.
• Select and book transportation means for the wedding day. You may also have to make arrangement for family members and friends from out of town.
• Select and MC and Entertainer to perform at the reception. Talk to them about what you like and want your big day to be. A good MC can make your day a very memorable one.
• Make hotel reservation for your Honeymoon.

5. One month prior to wedding day.
• Check and reconfirm your guest list, double check the RSVP believe it or not 20~30% of your guests have not responded. Follow up and call them.
• Reconfirm the place and ask for food tasting. Normally you can bring up to 10 people get variety of people, older folks, younger folks, and the wedding planner. Comments on the food. Pay attention to the colors – food tends to be in the same color change part of the menu if you have to.
• Finalize your required documents and complete your HIV test. Submit all documents and copies of witness (saksi) IC so things can get speed up during the akad-nikah. You will have to sit for a short interview where the Jabatan Agama will ask you some rukun and mengaji. Brush up on them before going there. The normally ask you things that you should already know.
• Final Fitting for your wardrobe.
• Pick up your wedding ring sent your other hantaran to the person preparing the you can add the wedding and wang hantaran later.
• Test make up and hair design.
• Go to dental and polish your teeth especially if you are a smoker. Continue doing you facial and beauty treatment.
• Make sure that all deposit and payments to vendors are current and as agreed on.
• Change foreign currency if your honeymoon will be out side of Malaysia.

6. One week before wedding
• Set up sitting arrangement, who sits where? Make sure that guests have something in common with other people in the table. If you guest list is under 300 people, try to put name on the table or at the very minimum at the VIP table. Believe me there will be guests that will jump table. Print out hard copies of sitting plans --- make extra copies and distribute to your coordinator.
• Pay for the event place and food and you will need to give them the final number at least three days before the event. Whatever number of guests you have add 2~3 more tables; some of your guests will bring their teenager kids. If the place have kids facilities nearby reserve that place as well. Kids can stay in that room; don’t forget to order kids food, balloons and DVD. The kids and maids can stay in that room.
• Pick up your wardrobe. Start using your wedding shoes at home so you will get use to the shoes and the shoes get use to your feet.
• Arrange to have a rehearsal just a walk through would do. Invite the key people involve.
• Reconfirm all vendors: photographer, MC, entertainer, Makeup artist, hairdresser, transportation arrangement, florist, hantaran arrangement etc.
• Collect the door gift – and have them delivered to the event place.
• Final facial and beauty treatment – do not do it the day before your face will look red. A week before then stop.
• Sleep early every night for one week – this will take out the black eyes mark.
• Watch your diet eat less – you will not have time to do another fitting.
• Prepare some cash – you will want to tip some of the people that work at the event. Also keep some cash on your akad nikah for (a) the kadi and witnesses and (b) some area will have a toll to go into the house and onto the pelamin.

7. One day before the wedding
• Make sure that the [b]sitting arrangement and guest list are finalized.
• Make sure that the wedding planner and coordinator has completed their tasks.
• Pick up the hantaran – some hantaran such as cake and fresh flower may have to be delivered on the day of the wedding.
• Make sure that you have your IC with you for the akad nikah.
• Sleep early and get well rested.

On the day of your wedding – eat breakfast, smile a lot and enjoy yourself.

Click
to download excel version of the time line. (282K)

Most of our malay adat of marriage are by-product of diverse culture, combination of Malay, Hindu and Indigenous cultures. Adat varies between different regional areas. Some are very localized such as, “suap gula” which is practiced in Penang and some northern states but not in the southern and eastern areas. Here we will look at marriage adat that are more mainstream and practiced through out Malaysia.

So, you have known this guy or girl for quite some time, you met each other at work, school, social activity or just plain lucky bump into him or her by accident. You are ready to take that step to legalize this relationship. What do you do? Assuming that you have discussed this with your future partner and he or she has agreed and you share the sentiments and thoughts with you ← We will call this STEP 0 – Talk to your partner.

STEP 1: Merisik
In English, Merisik means to investigate or in today’s younger people lingo also known as pre-booking.

For this the man will send his representative (wakil) to meet the lady’s family. The visitor will give hints of the purpose of the visit and gauge the reaction of the host; merisik is not a formal proposal Most important to find out if the girl is already spoken for; if you have not done STEP 0 above and found out that the lady has been spoken for then no progress will take place and the man's family will look at other possible candidate.

Please note: in modern time a lot of family have skip this step and combine merisik and meminang into a single step.

STEP 2: Meminang


Once the girl’s family agreed (in today practice will most likely also constitute the girl’s agreement). The man side will again send representative (normally the closest relatives. The visitors will bring “sirih junjung” and “hantaran” to the girls house. Hantaran is always odd numbers and the girl’s side will also prepare a set of returned “hantaran” two more than they received. The hantaran from the man usually includes an engagement ring.

A typical set of engagement “hantaran” normally include some combination below:
•A set of cloth – normally a set of cloth that will be used during the wedding.
•Sweets – usually cakes, fruits and/or cake
•Natural Items - Potpourri (Bunga Rampai), real flowers, etc.
•Personal Items – such as perfume, cleanser etc…
•From the man side the all important engagement ring


Traditionally, the initial discussion will be in “pantun”. Things that are discussed are:
1.The date of the wedding “akad nikah” or the length of the engagement.
2.The dowry to be paid, “wang belanja” for the wedding.
3.Details on the gift- the number of trays or “dulang hantaran” in addition to “tepak sirih”.
4.Number of people from the groom side that will be presenting the groom side on the wedding day.
5.Also the penalty of breaking of the engagement.

It is quite common that even though both parties agreed on all items; however, according to adat the final agreement will only be given by the brides side a few days after the engagement day.

Coming soon
STEP3:Akad Nikah
STEP 4: Bersanding

Marriage Procedure

Requirement for marriage procedure in Wilayah Persekutuan are as follows:

1. Proof of residence in Wilayah Persekutuan (Bermastautin)
•Identification card with address in Wilayah Persekutuan or any other official document stating so.
•Endorsement from your Imam/Mosque

2. Completion of Marriage Course (Kursus Kahwin)
•Marriage candidate under 40 years old and never been married are required to complete the marriage course at Jabatan Agama Islam Wilayah Persekutuan (JAWI) approved centers.
•Received and submit the certificate of completion
•Complete HIV test at recognized clinics.

3. Application form from JAWI
Application for permission to be married at Unit Perkahwinan, Perceraian dan Rujuk, JAWI

Requirement for the Groom
•Copy of Identification Card
•Declaration of status from employee or for self employed a Statutory Declaration. Declaring that you are single
•If previously divorced Marriage Certificate & Divorce Certificate or previous wife death certificate.
•If polygamy, Letter of permission from Makamah Syariah
•Certificate of Marriage Course for man under 40 years old and never been married before.
•Result of HIV test from approved clinics or centers
•For Military personnel, Authorized Letter to Marry issued by KAGAT; for Police personnel Authorized Letter issued by Police Headquarters, Bukit Aman.
•For a Muslim convert, Certificate of conversion to Islam (Surat Akuan Memeluk Islam/Saudara Baru))
•For foreign nationals, Permission Letter from Malaysian Immigration Office and from your Embassy.

Requirement for the Bride
•Copy of Identification Card
•Wali
•If divorced Marriage Certificate & Divorce Certificate or previous husband death certificate.
•Certificate of Marriage Course for woman under 40 years old and never been married before.
•Result of HIV test from approved clinics or centers
•For Military personnel, Authorized Letter to Marry issued by KAGAT; for Police personnel Authorized Letter issued by Police Headquarters, Bukit Aman.
•For a Muslim convert, Certificate of conversion to Islam (Surat Akuan Memeluk Islam)
•For foreign nationals, Permission Letter from Malaysian Immigration Office and from your Embassy.